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Five thugs
up to no good stake out in an abandoned
warehouse for the night with Jennifer as a hostage.
What they don't know is that the place is just
crawling with vengeful spirits.
Look everybody, it's what Pulse 2 would have been
had it not been shot in front of a green screen.
13 Hours In A Warehouse, oh god, just the title of
the movie puts me to sleep, is a low-budget horror
flick where the ghosts aren't afraid of punching
their victims (yes, it is indeed hilarious) before
hanging dead rats in tiny snares (it's supposed to
be a symbolic thing but it's really just ridiculous).
Okay so let's cut to the chase, 13 Hours is one of
those movies that no one expects to be good. You
know exactly what you're getting yourself into when
you push the play button but since you've got
nothing better to do, you figure you've suffered
through worse crap - and you have.
13 Hours may be a bad movie but it's not unwatchable.
It revolves around five thieves who spend the night
in an abandoned warehouse after a perfect heist.
Well almost perfect anyway since they ended up getting
a hostage as well, but they figure she won't be
much trouble. Well soon enough the thugs start
disappearing one by one and it seems as though the
hostage has managed to escape. Could she be the one
offing the thugs? Of course not. The villains in
here are three ghosts who were killed in snuff films
made in the warehouse. One is a chubby lady with a
plastic bag over her head, one has a gag-device on
her head and one just looks generally grumpy. So what does
baggy, gaggy and grumpy have in common? Well they
all flicker like poor TV-reception of course. I mean,
they did die in snuff films so why wouldn't they flicker?
What's funny is that for most of the time the ghosts
are anything but transparent, they just look like
wannabe drag queens who went overboard with the make-up
but then when they start to flicker they're almost
completely transparent. It's just ridoncolous but
man is it ever so funny. I guess you can't really
expect much from a movie where bondage ghosts are
killing off thugs in a warehouse where amateur porn
used to be shot though. The characters are all
extremely annoying and dislikeable - including the
hostage who isn't even given a personality. Luckily
the actors are all so poor that the performances
(or should I say lack of?) end up being occasionally
amusing. Now, I am perhaps a little hard on the flick
because for some reason I didn't find myself bored
to death while watching it, it does have some redeeming
factors and I feel that I have to mention those as well.
Production wise the movie looks good for DTV standards
and the first time we saw the first ghost I actually
flinched - even if just a little bit. Dav Kaufman
does a decent job behind the camera and I can clearly
see his original vision but it just doesn't translate
onto film. The climax had the potential to be very
suspenseful and creepy and you could really feel how
badly they wanted it to be atmospheric but it just
wasn't, it was just silly. It's a movie with heart
though I'll give it that but people giving this 5-star
ratings (ehrrm, filmarcade, ehrrm) are just fooling
themselves calling it "one of the most original
supernatural horror films in a while". You're right
FilmArcade, it was indeed a long time ago that we
had long-haired ghost girls haunt people and crawl
out of unusual places. Yes, that is me being ironic.
Take it for what it is and you may end up as amused
as I was but don't try to convince me that this is
a good movie because it's not.
Nothing worth mentioning.
Ho-hum score, didn't care much for it.
Funny for all the wrong reasons, 13 Hours In A Warehouse
is a complete mess but it's quite amusing for just
that reason. Due to decent production values it's
watchable and the fact that the story is just so
outrageous helps as well. I wouldn't recommend it
though, unless you're really, REALLY bored.
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