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A giant python
escapes during its transfer to a
new town. Well, it's a good thing that the
military has a giant overgrown boa to stop the
python. This will be the snake fight of a life
time... too bad the snakes never fight each other.
Wow! Was this pure cheesy entertainment or what?
At times I could even smell the cheese from my TV
screen. Okay so Boa vs. Python is not any different
from any of the other UFO/Sci-Fi Channel films
that you've seen. The only difference is that this
has two snakes in it instead of one. Well actually
I think that I preferred it when it was just one snake.
See the CGI in this film is awful! The snakes are
very thick and have big bodies but they're so
incredibly short that they look like slugs or
something with mutilated faces. And as if that
wasn't enough, the Boa is good and the Python is,
well I wouldn't exactly call it evil but... well
not as nice. I'm guessing that the Swedish title for
this will be "Good slug Vs. Less good slug". Well
the Boa's name is Betty so "Betty Vs. Python"
would also work.
Anyway, this movie has got some of the worst one-
liners in history, I mean, how gay is this one;
"This is big... and big is nice!" or how about the
time when one of the bad guys lights his cigar with
a flamethrower and then spits out the stupid
words that I will never forget; "You boys like your
meat extra crispy?". I also learned a lot of
good stuff, like if you can't get any signal on
your cell phone, just go into the woods! Oh and
let's not forget the fact that Python's are
excellent in bed! See there's this couple having
sex in a car and the guy called Bill goes down
on the girl, you know, gives head. Moments later
the Python pulls him out of the car and eats him
up. Well, not to worry, the python takes over
for the guy and the girl doesn't even seem to
notice, guess guys and pythons have quite similar
tongues then right?
Let's see, what else did we learn in this movie?
Oh yah, snakes, sorry my bad, slugs no longer have
small invisible teeth (if teeth at all), oh no,
they have enormous monster teeth. I also learned
that when a hot chick goes Python hunting, her
choice of wear would be tight military pants and
a tight military top with a big cleavage. Yah so
I'm guessing you've kind of gotten how cheesy
this movie was. Oh and let's not forget the fact
that the snake fight only took place in the last
two minutes of the film, why in the world was
it called versus? If you like to watch the
occasional cheesy horror flick like me, check it
out, it's pretty entertaining. Don't expect a
good movie though. Expect a green boa slug and a
red python slug with a tiara on its head.
Some burnt bodies and a guy gets half of his body
bitten off. I had expected more strangely enough.
Oh this is the same sh*t that they seem to be
using in all the UFO/Sci-Fi channel productions.
I wouldn't be surprised if it's the exact same
music as in all the other movies that they've
made, I sure wouldn't notice.
If you're expecting a movie called "Boa vs. Python"
to be good, you have got to ask people for advices
before renting anything ever again. This movie needs
to be taken for what it is if you want to be able
to enjoy it. What is it then? A pure cheese fest and
quite a funny one as well. Look out for stupid one-
liners and such that might increase your experience.
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