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Dead Above Ground |
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A serial killer dressed in a hooded black cape is
offing the students at a high school. Well, there's
something more to it... oh hang on, no there's not,
that's it.
When Lions Gate bought out Artisan Entertainment
last year, they got a lot of terrible DTV titles on
their hands and this is yet another one of them.
Dead Above Ground was actually made back in 2002
but hasn't been released until now, "why?" you may
think, I don't.
Dead Above Ground has some very cool opening titles
which leads one to pressume that this will be one
bad movie and when Corbin Bernsen shows up with a
blonde bimbo on his arm, your newly created theory
is confirmed. Apparently Corbin is a famous director
in this movie and when the killer shows up to off
him, he offers him a part in a movie, oh yah, I can
see it in front of me right now; the killer stops
chasing Corbin and unmasks himself and shows him his
CV-list. Anyway so Corbin and his bimbo gets offed
and the movie gets started. Cut to a couple of ugly
cheerleader bimbos having stupid cheerleader discussions.
Moments later we learn that they've decided to introduce
us to all the characters that'll be in this movie
within five minutes.
When we're introduced to the two goth's at the
school, at least I reacted, why it's a familiar
face. Look, it's the nerd from the TV-series "Popular".
Apparently she and her male goth friend aren't
that popular in this school. See the male goth
has made a film that he wants his whole class to
see but the respons that his class gives him isn't
exactly brilliant. They all start laughing and
this causes goth guy to freak out and leave the
class room. Ten minutes and lots of stupid dialogues
later the goth guy drives off a cliff in a car
accident, I wouldn't call it very tragic though
since no one really misses him anyway.
A year later, or at least the following semester
a killer shows up on the school killing students.
The first victim is a pot smoking ex-janitor and
this is the most interesting death of them all.
See he sits in his van, smoking pot and hears
someone outside and goes out to check who's there
but surprise, surprise, a vicious crow appears
from out of nowhere and attacks him. He jumps
back into his van but the crow is a vicious little
bitch and follows him into the van. With many
bloody pickbruices (well what would you call them)
the ex-janitor manages to escape the "van of terror"
but the killer is standing there ready to put an
axe in his stomach, and so he does. How that crow
got so vicious and evil beats me but I guess this
killer was a crow whisperer or something.
Really not a masterpiece. Stupid bimbo slasher/demon
flick which could barely succeed in scaring a
couple of seven year old girls.
A chick gets a sword through the stomach, a guy
gets his throat slit and a guy gets an axe in
his stomach. Pretty average for a slasher.
The soundtrack consists mainly of really bad and
really loud rock music which I absolutely despised.
However, there is some even worse Swing music
played at the pool party in the film and some
really abysmal hip hop music thrown in aswell.
Good work you guys!
If you've been victimized by Artisan Entertainment,
don't let the Lions Gate logo fool you. This movie
is all Artisan I assure you. Avoid this flick at
any cost, go rent Bloody Murder instead and get a
good laugh out of it at least. This movie just
goes on and on forever with a very low bodycount.
Review By: AnthroFred
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