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Five teens go
camping in the woods. Serial killer in a
parka with an axe shows up. Teens turn up dead one
by one. Somehow this sounds familiar.
With a title like The Evil Woods and a cover that
gives nothing away, you really don't know what to
expect heading into it - all you know is that it's
bound to be bad, the question is just; how bad? The
answer to that question is; pretty damn bad. From the
director of nothing and the writer of nothing comes
a movie about nothing. I was actually surprised to
see two names listed as writers (one of which is the
director himself of course) because never before have
I felt so certain that a movie was unscripted as I was
while watching The Evil Woods. The teens seemed to
have been asked to improvise the dialogue for most
of the time but apparently not - no, it's even worse,
someone actually came up with this. Someone actually
spent time writing these ridiculous dialogues.
So what's the movie about? Well, it's a very standard
slasher flick. This is slashers 101. The movie opens
with some random couple camping in the woods, only to
get axed down (off-screen) moments later. The title
appears "The Evil Woods" and you're just cringing in
your couch thinking "I am never going to make it
through this without falling asleep". Well, I did and
I regret it. Next we're introduced to five of the
most annoying characters ever caught on film. We have
a whipped guy and his bitchy girlfriend and an
amazingly annoying fellow who shouts out most of
his dialogues accompanied with some swearwords with
two less-than-attractive girlfriends by his side. Now
these girls must really be desperate to hook up with
someone as pathetic as this guy because I just wanted
him to get killed off right away (unfortunately it
takes almost an hour before this actually happens).
Naturally the movie looks like it was shot by a bunch
of high school students (and it probably was), no
high production values here, that's for sure. You
know, I could go on and on about all the flaws that
you can find within this miserable little slasher
flick but I'm not going to do that. When Lions Gate
doesn't even bother to release a crappy DTV flick
with a good cover-art, you know that they really
couldn't care less about the movie and neither could
I. The Evil Woods will be removed from the DVD
shelves in the video store after a week and in two
weeks time you should be able to find it in a bargain
basket for $3,99. But even then, it's not worth your
money. Don't waste your time people.
Nothing worth commenting on.
Amateurish rock music and cheap score.
Film students, here's a good movie for you to see what
not to do when you make a slasher flick. This is just
awful with a fugly cast, annoying characters, poor
directing and bad production values. It's ridiculous
that movies like these can find distribution. Ridiculous.
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