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A young
couple leave their old lives behind to start
over when they end up in a car accident. With nothing
but fields and mountains around them they decide to
look for help at a small farmhouse. The couple living
there is nice enough to take them in for the night,
but as the night unfolds, terrible secrets start to
unravel... what's really going on at this vineyard?
I think it was Fangoria that first reported on this
indie horror flick from the producers of Lake Dead
and for whatever reason it's been forgotten ever
since. Now it's finally been released on DVD in France
and I was first in line to buy myself a copy. Farmhouse
is nothing fresh. The story is ridiculously predictable
and clichéd and anyone who's ever watched a horror
movie knows how it's going to play out after about
ten minutes. It's also rather slow-paced, and for a
wannabe-torture-porn flick, it's really not very
gory. In fact, it only has a few moments of horror
in it, the rest of it is just regular TV-thriller material.
Billed as a psychological thriller (apparently
psychological no longer means that the movie has
brains) to be easier to sell in a competitive market
Farmhouse tells the story of a young couple who get
stranded at an isolated wine vineyard with a psychotic
family after them (oh like you didn't see that coming
from miles away). I don't feel like I need to describe
it more than that since I've actually all ready
reviewed the exact same horror flick only about a
year ago - only that one took place in the woods
instead of on a farm. What movie is that? Timber Falls.
This movie is exactly like Timber Falls in every
single aspect. It has all the potential in the world
to be a decent horror flick. It's got great production
values (for an indie flick), it looks terrific, it's
got an above-average cast, it's even got a decent
setup. What makes Farmhouse so mediocre and dull is
the oh-so-tedious and generic twists, the terribly
slow pace and the uninspired story.
The movie did score a couple of points with me
however when they revealed that the nice family living
on the farm wasn't so nice after all. This was one
of the best reveals that I've seen in several years.
Unfortunately, those three minutes simply weren't
enough. After that it became very stale and tame and
it almost felt as if they didn't dare to make a pure
horror flick. It's obvious that the original script
was a horror script but since horror is such a tough
sell these days I'm guessing that they toned it down
to make it more marketable. However, I think that
they shot themselves in the foot by doing so since
it ended up being mediocre slop.
I don't think that Farmhouse is a terrible movie,
even if it may sound like it, it's just not a very
good one. Had I seen this on Hallmark I may have
enjoyed it more since it reeks direct-to-TV but as
a DTV horror flick (or even a theatrical one) it
just doesn't cut it. In case you liked Timber Falls
and was sad that there wasn't going to be a sequel
(god, don't let there be a sequel), I'd check Farmhouse
out. Don't expect anything spectacular though.
We get an eye gouged out, a slashed throat and a
potentially great torture scene involving a cheese
grater ruined by poor make-up effects.
It's a solid score, I'll give it that.
Well this was bland to say the least. Farmhouse is
Timber Falls set on a farm - and that's not a good
thing. It's generic, it's tame and it's just been
done way too many times before. Perhaps worth watching
if it's on TV but I wouldn't recommend renting the DVD.
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