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Three teenage
boys have decided to finally move out of
their homes and try to survive on their own. Well,
they're in luck. For some reason a gigantic house was
just put on sale and they can afford it. They decide
to have a house warming party to get to know people
in the area, but what they don't know is that the portal
to hell is in their basement.
One quick question; did anyone, and I mean ANYONE,
involved in this project actually care about it? Even
in generic high-budget Hollywood horror remakes you
get a sense that at least someone involved in the movie
cared about it - this is not the case with Killer Pad.
Heck, Lions Gate didn't even care enough about it to
give it a good-looking cover art and unfortunately this
time the cover actually does reflect on the quality of
the movie. Killer Pad is marketed as a horror comedy
but it's neither. It's so painfully unfunny that you
can't even laugh at how bad it is. The jokes are so
stupid that not even 11 year old boys would find them
funny. Seriously, I can't believe the writer actually
thought that this would make people laugh.
What's worse is that the characters are so dim-witted
and the actors care so little about this project that
they deliver the jokes in the most unfunny ways
possible. No wonder these Z-grade actors had a hard
time portraying these characters as I don't believe
that there's a single person in the world that could
relate to them. It's obvious that they were trying to
turn Shane McRae into a low-budget Ashton Kutcher clone,
but why?! Why god why!? Robert Englund should know that
Ashton is widely hated among the horror community.
Every time I flip through the channels and Punk'd comes
on I swear I feel like jamming needles into my eyes.
Why did I bring up Robert Englund you ask? Well he's
responsible for directing this mess. Can you believe
it? He's the reason why I had to waste 85 minutes of
my life on this pathetic attempt at ridiculing The
Amityville Horror (let's face it, that's obviously
the movie they were trying to ridicule). I'm not a big
fan of spoofs, I do like my horror comedies but I hate
it when movies ridicule the horror genre and I can not
believe that Robert Englund has actually signed on to
be part of it. I am so gravely disappointed right now
that you have no idea. Dan Stoller is now at the top
of my enemies list, he's the guy who wrote the script
for this. Damn you Dan Stoller! Damn you!
This is the third time in one week where I've had to
watch a movie so bad that there are simply no words
to describe it. That is NOT a good thing. It's got
okay production values but that's the only thing this
movie has going for it. The acting sucks, the story
sucks, there's no horror, there's no comedy, there's
no gore, there's no nudity, there's no nothing.
Seriously. Fuck this movie. Fuck it hard and long.
A slashed throat.
Okay introducing the movie with the 80s song "Our House"
was a bad idea. Having an (assumingly) unsigned rap
group to sing at the part was a worse idea. Having a
priest sing "I love rock and roll" at the end of the
movie.... well... yeah.
When I saw Monster I thought that it would be the worst
movie of 2008. Then I saw Slasher and I changed my mind.
Now I've seen Killer Pad and I have to say, compiling
a worst of 2008 chart is going to be difficult because
these are all good contenders for the top spot. Awful
beyond words.
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