Petrified
Year: 2006
Directed by: Charles Band
Cast: Katie Adams
Dana Marie Barba
Roark Critchlow (Days Of Our Lives, Bone Eater)
Shirly Brener (Tail Sting, Shadow Of Fear)
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 A mummified alien kills his victims by turning them to
stone with his glowing, red eyes and he has just found
his way to a hospital where they're treating extreme
cases of nymphomania. Meanwhile, an undercover cop has
seek shelter inside the hospital after getting into
some trouble with a couple of thugs. Will he and his
new-found female friends be able to kill the alien
before it's turned them all to stone?


An alien mummy? Well obviously this was supposed to
be campy. I don't think that Full Moon really gets
that the 80s is over though and that people simply
don't watch this kind of cheesy crap anymore. I'm sorry
for the harsh words but that's exactly what this is;
poorly written, cheesy trash with a couple of hooters
waitresses thrown into the mix.

Petrified won't petrify anyone with its silly plot
where a mummified alien breaks loose and goes on a
killing spree on a hospital for extreme cases of
nymphomania. Now this sounds like a pretty far-fetched
idea right? I mean, a hospital for curing nymphomania?
Seriously. I guess they also realized just how stupid
it was after a while so they threw in an extra
explanation - nymphomania is the source of eternal
life. So the hospital is really trying to... well,
you know the rest. To make things extra crazy, we also
have an alien hand on the loose that manages to
strangle a woman in ten seconds or so.

Say what you will, but if you're making a bad movie
on purpose, you have to expect to get reviews like
this and Full Moon should try to work their reputation
up again, not break it down till there's nothing left.
Charles Band should retire as his movies seem to get
increasingly worse. The acting is horrible. The
dialogues are a joke. I don't know what else to say.
Who comes up with stupid things like this? Sure, it
might look decent since it's shot in widescreen but
that's about the only redeeming quality that this
movie has. Don't waste your time people.


No.


Utterly cheesy and just like with all Full Moon films,
there's hardly a moment to be found without any sort
of background music playing.


You know what? If you're still expecting good movies
from Full Moon Films, you're either crazy or have
smoked way too much pot in your life. Petrified won't
petrify anyone, nor will it entertain any normal
person. Don't bother.
 

 

Review By: AnthroFred



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