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A serial
killer that was at large during the 90's
left over 800 video tapes documenting his murders.
The video tapes have never been shown to the
public... until now.
Rubbish! What rubbish! This was supposed to have
been released in 2008 but at the last minute MGM
pulled it - despite the fact that it had been
heavily promoted. Why? Well there could be three
explanations. One - because they finally realized
what a crappy movie they had acquired. Two - because
no cinemas agreed to play it. Three - it was all a
publicity stunt - they never intended to release the
movie in cinemas - at least not at that time. It
really could be any of these three. Either way I can
not believe that this was supposed to be a theatrical
movie. This isn't even DTV material. I have a hard
time seeing anyone acquiring this anywhere outside
of the states actually.
Have you seen the trailer? You know the cool one
that makes this look like Hostel meets The Blair
Witch Project? Right, well then you've seen all the
"horror" moments in the movie because 85% of the
movie consists of really bad actors (and I mean
REALLY bad) playing people with various occupations,
talking about the murders to the camera. It's funny
how there were allegedly over 800 tapes to choose
from and that this was the most horrifying stuff
that the killer shot. Seriously, it's just like
watching a really bad bondage movie that's been
copied about a thousand times. How did these videotapes
get in such bad shape anyway? Not only is it close
to impossible to tell what's going on since it's so
dark all the time but the colour scheme changes every
second to make it even more difficult to tell what's
happening in front of the camera. I tell you, if
I ever saw a pointless movie, it's this one. What
a load of bull. Calling this a movie really is a
difficult thing to do.
Okay so we've established that the story is crap
(don't you dare come tell me that this is original),
that the acting is beyond awful and that the
directing just isn't there. So are there any
redeeming qualities? No. There are no redeeming
qualities. It is by far the worst theatrical horror
movie of the 2000's (but don't worry, there's no
way in hell this will actually go theatrical). So
what made so many people love this fantastically
awful movie? That is a mystery greater than the
Bermuda triangle. For me, this was just a really
bad S&M porno with some boring dialogue in between
the "sex scenes". Not that we actually get to see
anyone naked... or at least I don't think so,
I wouldn't know, it was so dark. We do get a
decapitation, but again, nothing very disturbing.
So let's sum things up, shall we? Is The Poughkeepsie
Tapes a serial killer flick? I think not. Is it a
boring S&M softcore porno movie? Yah. That's exactly
what it is. If I were you I would simply watch a
documentary on the Playboy channel instead. It's
more educational, more entertaining and more
satisfying than this worthless excuse of a horror
flick. Gah! Yes, I am very disappointed.
A decapitation in black and white.
Some eerie sounds. Oooh, creepy. Aren't these things
supposed to be without a soundtrack by the way?
BOOOO!!! Thank god MGM pulled this one from their
slate because people could've started rioting over
how bad this movie is. It is the worst theatrical
horror movie of the 2000's and I strongly advice
you to stay away from it. Yes, it is even worse than
the Shutter and One Missed Call remakes.
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