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Random people
head into the woods for various reasons
and find themselves under attack by Bigfoot himself.
Primal just won the price for the shortest plot
description I've ever written. Why? Because there's
not much more to it and honestly I can't even be
bothered trying to write a longer description for this
cheap amateurish junk. Primal is the kind of movie
that shouldn't have been able to find distribution
and ended up being sold on its official homepage, but
ever since Lions Gate showed up, movies like this are
actually released to the general audiences. This is
Steffen Schlachtenhaufen (the next Ulli Lommel?)
feature length directorial debut and he has previously
been the production assistant on such movies as
Miner's Massacre and Son Of The Beach. You can really
tell that this man wasn't made for directing films
as the directing is just awful.
As if it wasn't enough that the movie looks extremely
cheap, it actually seems as if they've TRIED to make
it look even cheaper. It's never a surprise when
Bigfoot shows up, who by the way is just a man in a
ridiculous outfit, because 10 seconds before he shows
up the colour scheme of the movie changes. To make
it even worse, they've added some cheap filter (a la
Windows Movie Maker) to make the movie look older as
it has these grains and lines moving across the screen.
However, this is also only when Bigfoot is about to
make his appearance. What the hell where they thinking?
Then we have the random characters; a bunch of people
working with an oil company (or so I think?) who are in
the forest for reasons I can't remember, a young...
err... middle-aged couple who goes to the woods to
visit the woman's reclusive brother who just happens
to be the forest ranger, a gang of crooks who are
doing some illegal business in the woods... Yep, these
woods are filled with people even though it's usually
really quiet and empty.
What a coincidence that all these people happened to
be there at the same time right? Well, Bigfoot shows
up and starts slashing away... again for unknown
reasons because he doesn't eat anyone, he just slashes
them up. Perhaps he's territorial, I don't know nor
could I care less. Now I've seen some atrocious Bigfoot
movies in my days but it doesn't get worse than this.
To tell you the truth, I'm not even that surprised
that Lions Gate picked this one up, I never have high
expectations with their DTV releases anymore. Anyway,
Primal is about as amateurish as they come and
I strongly advice you to stay away from it. It's just
a very bad movie.
Nothing special.
Awful and repetitive soundtrack.
Primal is an abomination and that's really all you
need to know. It's just beyond awful. This is the kind
of crap that Brain Damage used to release back in the
days, but it seems Lions Gate has taken over their
niche market now. Just awful.
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