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A real estate
developer has hired some people to release
toxins into the ocean so that a fishing community will
be forced to accept his offer. Little does he know that
the sharks don't die from the toxins, they only become
increasingly aggressive, and soon enough, the small
fishing community is overrun by a swarm of man-eating
sharks of all kinds.
Some reviews for Shark Swarm are decent, some are very
negative. I'm guessing that the ones that are decent
are from critics who saw the movie when it aired as a
miniseries on TV because as a feature film on DVD,
this is almost unbearable. Shark Swarm has got THE most
generic storyline ever, we know how the entire movie is
going to play out after 5 minutes and this movie doesn't
just last for 90 minutes, oh no, this is 2 hours and
45 minutes of mediocrity. But I have to be honest with
you, once the movie hit the 90-minute mark, I started
using the fast forward button excessively, I simply
couldn't take it anymore.
The ridiculously thin plot (and again, 2 hours and 45
minutes people!) takes place in a fishing community
where a real estate developer is desperate to build
condos (or something), but in order to do so, he has
to run the local fishermen out of business. So what
does he do? He hires people to dump toxins into the
ocean. Naturally this is a bad idea since the sharks
in the area become increasingly aggressive and turn
into man-eaters from the toxins. It is said that
for people not to change channels during a straight
to TV horror flick, something exciting must happen
every 20 minutes or so. Well, they've followed this
rule quite intensely and we're given a lot of quick
and completely random shots of divers getting attacked
by sharks. Who are these divers? Who knows? But they
sure as hell are getting attacked.
The acting is all around awful without a single
exception. Some are worse than others (what contest
did the girl playing Kim win to get a part in
this movie anyway?) and I was shocked to see Daryl
Hannah give us such a pathetic performance. What
was she even doing in this film? She was in Kill Bill
for Christ sake. Okay so let's move onto the sharks.
Well we probably didn't see a single real shark in
this one since they were all poorly CGI-animated. Oh
wait, there was one shark that probably was real
that was sleeping at the bottom of an aquarium while
a professor explained how aggressive the sharks had
gotten recently. Yes, there are many golden moments
to be found in here people.
RHI Entertainment's productions always look good and
have decent production values so why can't they
spend some more money on hiring decent scriptwriters
instead of producing this generic shit? Everything
felt recycled, and it wasn't even gory! Yet another
Jaws rip-off gone wrong.
Some dismembered body parts, not enough.
Recycled stuff.
Try to remember a really bad killer shark movie that
you've seen. Now imagine how it would've felt if that
movie was more than one hour longer. Yes, this is
Shark Swarm people. An almost 3-hour long generic
killer shark movie with nothing new to add to the
table. If it's on TV, change the channels.
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