The
Coroner |
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Emma is a ballbusting lawyer who has made a career in aiding prostitutes.
When a serial killer starts carving up some of these women, he kidnaps
Emma and keeps her prisoner in his basement torture room. After much
struggle, Emma escapes from the house and tells her story. The problem
is that no one believes her and when the cops escort her back to the
house she fled from, she finds out that they won't investigate because
the psycho also happens to be the city medical examiner. Seems that he
targets suicide survivors (an infliction that Emma shares with the other
victims) because he feels "cheated" out of performing their autopsies.
Fed up with everyone's disbelief of her claims, Emma decides to turn
the tables on the coroner by kidnapping him and keeping him prisoner
in her basement... unable to bring him to justice, she settles on revenge.
A paragraph synopsis of "The Coroner" actually flatters it more than it
deserves. This is just another one of the many direct-to-video thrillers
that New Horizons puts out every year, and could possibly be one of the
worst. What's most irritating is that upon first glance, this looks a lot
like a slasher movie in the vein of something like "The Dentist" or some
such shit like that. The truth is that it's too meandering to be a
slasher and way too stupid to please the psychological thriller crowd.
WHO this is supposed to appeal to dumbfounds me.
The brunt of the movie's "plot" rests on the shoulders of the two leads
(Emma and "The Coroner"), and I'm sorry to say that the thespians playing
them just don't have the chops to pull it off (although some serious blame
should be cast on whoever wrote the shitty script...some of these lines
must have been painful). The Coroner looks nothing like the villain
illustrated on the box; you never see him actually kill anyone, use
any autopsy equipment, or do anything that would even suggest that he
is a medical examiner. The guy looks more like your Mormon next-door
neighbor...a bit creepy, but harmless. The actress playing Emma fares
a bit better (even though I didn't buy her as a lawyer) as she gets to
demonstrate some serious ass-kicking and over-the-top distress.
To give this movie just a SMALL break, I will admit that I found the
"suicide survivor" motive pretty interesting... if it were used in a
better movie (and thanks to this tripe, will probably never be used again)
I'd probably be impressed, but it's also no coincidence that the paltry
sum of victims here also happen to be women. In fact, there were times I
couldn't ignore the interjection of feminist themes that the makers so
coyly allude to. Emma, an empowered woman with a checkered past (this is
never really explained), is victimized.... none of the authorities or her
boyfriend (all men) believe her and try to turn her neurosis against her,
and even her gal-pal/assistant gives up on her. Emma gets her revenge,
but only at her own expense. Thanks to the spoiler beginning, we already
know how this ends, and it makes the movie all the more insulting
and unbelievable.
Of course, what movie of this ilk would be complete without some
"strategically" placed sex scenes? I swear, I can't think of anything more
sad than a middle aged woman straddling a table, in the buff, smack dab in
the middle of a movie that in no way should be erotic. But hey, whatever
works to pad out the (75 minute) running time and give the mongoloid men
in the audience what they want! However, I will note that quite a few
scenes (stuff in a strip club and some bloody "flashbacks") are lifted
from movies like "Sorority House Massacre 2", "Stripteaser", and ALL of
the "Slumber Party Massacre" movies...at least some of the slasher fans
in the house should have some fun picking out these clips.
No actual kill scenes...we get to see the remains of some dead women....
a woman gets her finger cut off.... the heroine kicks the tail out of the
villain (actually more suspenseful than anything else shown here)....
a pretty wincesome murder towards the end, but nothing very remarkable either.
A big disappointment in this department.
Generic crap that gets used in just about every other New Horizons release.
Strings? Piano? Synthesizer? Who the hell cares? It doesn't do anything
for this movie.
Just say no. Don't even entertain the idea that it MIGHT be better than all
the reviews have said it to be. There are so many other movies out there that
deliver the sex and violence that's here in a more appealing way...this one
is just dull and unpleasant. Serial killers who look like the guy next door
are nothing new...neither are women who fight back. As a user on IMDB said,
the best thing about "The Coroner" is that it's only 75 minutes long.
Review By: The ScareMaker
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