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A text message
is circling around on a high school
saying that the person who's received the message can
make a wish. Well, everything has a price.
Lions Gate seems to think that anything is sellable
these days, and unfortunately that's true. When Evil
Calls isn't even a movie and still they're selling it
as one. This "movie" was released in the UK on cell
phones where people could download a new episode to
their cell phones every week. That's right, this is
almost an anthology - only that while anthologies tend
to have three-five stories in them, this one squeezes
twenty short stories into 74 minutes. To make things
even worse, every story is introduced by Sean Pertwee
for a minute or so, so that's at least 20 minutes worth
of running time right there. That leaves 54 minutes
worth of running time left for the stories. Let's not
forget the fact that we get to see the text message;
"Congratulations, You have won a wish!" in every
segment - so that's at least another 2 minutes. Then
we have opening credits and end credits, that's another
2 minutes so that leaves a total of 50 minutes (at best)
for the stories. That's an average of 2,5 minutes per
story. But let's not get all statistic here, I just
wanted to let you know just how little of a movie this
thing really is.
So how about the story? Well, some random Asian girl
(the one portrayed on the cover) is picked on in school.
Luckily an evil-looking clown shows up in her room
one day and the girl doesn't seem very surprised or
scared. He tells her that she can make a wish if she
passes the text message onto two of her friends but
that she should be careful what she wishes for. And
there you have it. After that people wish for random
things and they all end up dying - it's a poor Wishmaster
rip-off basically. Well, that's not completely true,
not all people end up dying, some stories aren't even
worth calling horror. For example, one guy gets x-ray
vision and can see all people naked and apparently
the horror in this segment was that he got to see his
father naked. Oh the terror.
The acting is what you'd expect for a made for cell
phones serie - in other words it's atrocious. These
teens probably aren't even real actors, only random
people who figured that this would be a good way to
kill some time. I can't believe that Lions Gate is
promoting this as a feature movie. It's not. It's so
definitely not. When Evil Calls may be entertaining
enough if you were only to receive one of these
stories every week on your cell phone but to watch the
entire thing patched together as a full length feature
is excruciating. Seriously, it's so bad that it's
literarily painful to sit through. Do not waste your
time with this junk. The only reason that I'm giving
it a rating of 1/5 is because I'm sure that this was
a whole lot more entertaining as a cell-phone series.
Terrible gore make-up. We get a melted face, some gory
bruises, severed arms, an eye popped out, some guts
and some more. Not as gory as it sounds.
Awful, awful rock music. Awful.
It was made to be viewed on cell-phones, not to be
put on DVD. Lions Gate ought to be ashamed of themselves.
This is a new low even for them. When Evil Calls is
not a movie, it's 20 cell-phone episodes patched together
and marketed as a full length feature. Don't watch it.
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